Never question a woman's cooking skill
by XxabridgedgirlyxX
Summary: Stuck at home with no food, Gintoki is forced to take drastic measures. GinxTae one-shot


**Well this is my first attempt at a Gintama fanfiction, I have written something but never really posted anything. And I can finally upload it! I Think most of you know that was down for a while. Anyways, a Gintama fanfic since there aren't way enough of them!**

**Rated T for some very minor language**

**Pairing: GinxTae (you have been warned!)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama in any way, I only own way too much homework.**

**Enough talking, enjoy! **

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**Never question a woman's cooking skill**

Chaos theory.

That was probably how he would describe last week's events. One small fact can change the whole outcome. For example, if he had paid attention to the road when looking for a copy of Jump last week, he wouldn't have crashed. So his bike was send for repairs to old man Gengai. Thus he drank some sake to forget about Jump and his bike, and because he drank a bit much to forget about Jump and his bike, he narrowly missed getting hit by a car. And sprained his ankle in the process. And to forget about the pain of spraining his ankle because he was drunk because of Jump and his bike because he hadn't paid attention, he drank all the strawberry milk last night. And if he hadn't done all that, well then he would have some now.

He didn't even know that he knew what chaos theory was**.**

And this all lead to him being stuck at home while his (partly) apprentice was at a concert hanging out the cheeky fanboy and Kagura being god knows where. Probably somewhere beating up the local sadist/assassin/Okita Sougo.

He had tried blaming his misfortune on his perm but that didn't really help.

Dead fish eyes lazily scanned the room as his pinky found it's way into his nose. After blowing some nostril dirt of it, he sighed. It was rather silent without the two, if not for Sadaharu's snores. The monster dog lay silently in the corner of their, correction his, office. Causing a small earthquake when turning around, the dog gave a cute yawn. He blinked and focussed his eyes on his chewing toy/Gintoki.

Bark

"What do you want furball?" He accusingly asked the dog, He really didn't want to walk that demon right now; he was too low on sugar. Another sound made it's way to his ears, remembering him that he needed his daily sugar boost.

"Need. Sugar. Now" Limping he made his way to the kitchen, coming to the conclusion that he didn't have anything sweet right now. He opened the fridge to look for a replacement for his beloved sugar.

'_Right, no more strawberry milk__**.**__'_ he thought. Just the worst day of his life, no sugar, no strawberry m..

Crack.

Blood slowly dripped down on both sides of his face.

"I'll give ya some food later, now stop butchering my head." The attacker promptly released his favourite toy and sat silently in the corner

Gin still wondered why he had given permission to Kagura to keep the giant thing. Recovered from the attack he reminded himself that he needed to buy a squeaky toy. A very big squeaky toy. Just to prevent further headaches and injuries. Maybe it was the way the dog showed affection some people would say, Gintoki would just answer that the dog was clearly evil.

Settling with the last bit of rice he sighed as he heard the doorbell. _'Probably the old hag again, nagging about the rent'_ He left his food and went to answer the door.

Mistake number one

"I already told you, old hag, I don't ha.." he started as he slided the door open surprised to find nobody there. He closed the door and went back inside just in time to see Sadaharu devour the last of his would-be lunch.

Note to self; always feed the dog first**.**

"Stupid dog." He grumbled as he went back to his desk to read last week's Jump.

Clearly evil.

Two hungry hours later wondering how the dog had done it, he still hadn't found a solution to both problems. He tried asking the obvious helpful, clearly evil, dog to get him something but that only ended in pain for Gin. After some bite attacks and pitiful attempts to get the dog to listen to him, the samurai gave up. The stubbornness of the dog was something that should be praised.

He had no idea when one of his 'employees' would be back and he was sure he would die of hunger by then. So in a futile attempt to save his little life, he decided to give a friend a call and ask for a little favour.

He picked up the phone, and wanted to dial but stopped. _'Who to call?'_ It wasn't like he didn't have any friends but when he excluded old hags, masochists, sadists, gorillas, terrorists/bombers, cross dressing samurai's, Jump-obsessed ninjas, madao's, space-merchants and mayora's, he ran out of options. Not that any of the above would help him anyway, either broke, annoying or in outer space.

He wondered if he could get help from his zanpaktou. Probably not.

Putting the phone back on the hook he sighed for the umpteenth time that day. _'Now what?'_ He rummaged through some of the papers on his desk and came across a flyer. "Pizza Delivering Service, yosh!" he screamed out of pure joy.

"Keep it down up there you natural perm!" the old hag's voice resounded through the whole building. "Yeah, yeah whatever." He wasn't going to spend time on futile things when he could order pizza to save himself from dead by hunger. Picking it up he examined the menu, immediately regretting the action. With the Amanto came of course new technology but also new 'food'. If that's what you could call it. After mentally barfing due to the 'interesting' flavours that where displayed on the leaflet, he threw it in the trash can. _'So much for that idea.'_ Even the Hijikata-special sounded tasty comparing to that**.**

He now wished they did won the war and now had a bit understanding for his bomber/ friend's objectives. He'd remember to send him a Christmas card to keep up the good work.

There was still one option left, the violent woman by the name Shimura Tae**.** He made a pretty big gamble with this, she could always end up bringing some of her own cooking. He needed a plan. First call and make some small talk, ask friendly for some rice that he could warm up later. Nothing that could cause any unwanted injuries or food poisoning there**.**

Once again Gin picked up the phone and collected some of his courage to dial the number.

"Hello?" A feminine voice asked on the other side, If Gintoki didn't know who it was on the other line he would say it sounded innocent, and quite cute to. _If_ he didn't know who the voice belonged to.

"A-ah Otae-san. Nice to hear you." he stuttered a bit. He felt a familiar feeling envelop him. Not that he could quite place it, but he had a pretty good guess.

"Gin-san what do you want? You didn't get Shinpachi in trouble now did you?" She asked with a more demanding voice.

Mistake number 2

Now he was certain the feeling was fear, he continued "Well you see, I was wondering if you could do me a little favour." He felt the demonic presence on the other side grow even larger. "What does this little favour include, Gin-san?" He could swear he heard her crack her knuckles. With the last bit of courage he continued. "Well, I seem to have run out of food here. And I sprained my ankle so.."

After two seconds that seemed like hours to him, he sighed in relief when he felt the demonic presence calm down. "Oh, I see. Well no problem Gin-san" She reverted back to her sweet-as-sugar voice. "I made Shinpachi something this morning but he was already gone. I'll just warm it up for you, I'll be there in about an hour. Bye!"

"W-wait!"

She hung up.

Mistake number three

Game over

He hung his head in defeat. Images of over-fried eggs flashed through his head

"Author-sama, what have I ever done to you?"

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The doorbell rang.

He had mentally prepared himself for his departure for Soul Society**.**

Gintoki limped to the door and slowly opened it. A young lady waited on the other side. She had brown hair that was pulled up in a high ponytail and dark brown eyes. Instead of her standard kimono, she wore a bright blue one with a light green flower pattern and a red outline. She smiled at him, a real genuine smile. Not those fake ones she gave when you were about to feel her wrath. Gintoki suddenly didn't really mind that his bike broke down when he saw that smile. And felt a little heat rush up to his face.

Remembering the fried eggs, he really missed his bike.

"A-ah, Otae-san. Come in!" He stepped aside and let the young lady in. She was carrying some bags with some (to Gin) poisonous contents. He limped back to the couch as Tae emptied the content of the bags on the table.

"I bought some rice on my way too. You should be able to feed Kagura-chan's appetite with this for about a week." She continued talking but Gin didn't really listen. He was staring too much. She looked quite pretty in that kimono and he felt a bit uncomfortable. He mentally slapped himself, Gintoki never went weak over a woman. Especially not her.

"And you also need to put this in.. Hey, Gin-san are you listening? You look a little spaced out." He snapped out of his trance and looked up. "Ah." (1)

She cocked her head to the side, mentally debating something. He looked at the table. She had brought rice, some meat and… "Strawberry milk?" He questioned out loud. She nodded weakly. A small smile spread on his face. "Thanks, I ran out." She looked at him and saw a twinkle in his normal lifeless eyes. She liked it when they looked like that, his normal eyes gaining a little spark. It was contagious as she smiled as well.

"This was Shinpachi's breakfast for this morning, I warmed it up for you." She said after breaking eye contact. She picked up one of the smaller packages and gave it to the silverhead.

Said silverhead now cursed Shinpachi for escaping his sister's cooking. Now he had to pay up.

His thoughts where interrupted when they suddenly saw Kondo bursting out from seemingly nowhere. Both jumped a bit at the sudden entrance of the gorilla as he commenced to shout at the top his voice.

"Otae-sa~n!" He sang in sing-song voice. Gintoki rolled his eyes. "How can you make something for him while I obviously lo-"

But he couldn't finish his statement. Once again the demonic presence grew as Kondo cowered. Gin pitied him a bit.

A bit.

"What do you think you're doing here you hairy gorilla!" As Tae continued to vandalise his house and beat the gorilla, Gintoki opened the package to reveal a little box. He slowly opened the box and suspected to be jumped at by an over-fried egg, but instead there was just plain rice. Just some plain cooked rice with some sweat beans on top.

'_Just made for Shinpachi uh? Never knew he liked his rice extra sweet.'_ He grabbed his chopsticks and slowly tasted the rice. It was actually, surprisingly good.

He looked up from his food just to see Tae kick Kondo out of the window. Thank the director it was the open one, or the old hag would have his head.

"Now that that's finished." He chuckled, why did the gorilla keep trying anyway? He knew she would never accept, somehow he found that comforting.

After successfully beating Kondo up, Tae went to sit next to the natural perm. She looked in delight as Gintoki (willingly) ate the food and enjoyed it.

"You know, you should make this more often." He said with a mouthful of rice. "It's definitely better than your fried eggs."

After a minute and a painful stomp (for both the statement and speaking with a mouthful), he had finished the rice. Tae picked up the remainder of the food and headed for the kitchen with Gin limping behind.

"You know, I never really paid you for the time you helped me and Shin-chan out." She said while putting away the groceries, back turned at him.

"I never asked for any payment."

She slightly laughed. "Just protecting what was in front of you I guess?" She quoted.

Grin

"So you remembered." He replied.

Light nod.

"Neither have I paid you for cheating in your fight with Kondo." She turned to look at him.

Crimson red met deep brown.

"Che, I didn't really get him to stop stalking you. So that wasn't a finished job." He said, he took some strawberry milk. Pouring it in a glass and taking a large sip he continued.

"But it was a real hassle afterwards, you know." He sighed, remembering his first meeting with the mayo-obsessed chain-smoker. He went to sit at the table. "That annoying Shinsengumi vice-captain gave me a pretty big scar on my left shoulder."

After that statement, he saw something in her eyes. Worry, or was it guilt? He immediately regretted bringing up the memory.

"But hey, I did have the chance to annoy the bastard by beating him." He added with a grin. He was relieved when the guilt was replaced and her eyes smiled back at him. She scooted a bit closer to the table and looked at him,

"I do have payment." She replied. Half listening to her, he drank the last of his strawberry milk. Saving the flavour, he closed his eyes and replied. "Sure." He looked up and was about to open his eyes when he felt a warm sensation.

Opening them he realized she was actually kissing him. A short but sweet kiss. She pulled back and smiled at him.

"Well I think that concludes payment." He nodded weakly as a tint of red spread on his face. It'd been a long time since he felt this way towards somebody. And he liked the feeling of it.

He was still a bit shocked by her bold behaviour and watched as she retreated into the main room of the Yorozuya.

"Well Gin-chan, I'll be off now. Be sure to get better!" With that he watched her retreating back as she left. A few seconds passed before he was finally able to say something.

"I can't believe she just did that!" He almost shouted.

"She's gotta be the first one to ever pay me!"

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"Ohaio (2), Gin-san, Kagura-chan!" Shinpachi announced the next morning as he slided the door open. He was greeted by the rare sight that all the inhabitants were already up and awake. Excluding the monster dog,

He got a lazy 'good morning' and a wave from both as he closed the door behind him.

"Otsuu-chan's concert was really great yesterday. She even sang her new song 'Your uncle is a lazy XX'." He saw that they were only half listening and sighed.

"Oh yeah, Gin-san. Aneu-eu (3) asked you to get some groceries for her." He proceeded to walk in the kitchen. He continued as he walked back in the living room with glass of water in his right hand. "She said she'd pa.." But didn't get to finish his sentence as the silverhead was no longer seated in the couch, instead he just heard the door close.

"Didn't he have a sprained ankle?" He questioned the remaining slacker.

The girl shrugged and continued to chew her sukonbu (4).

"He's gonna miss drama reruns**."**

He sighed and went sit in the couch opposite of the Yato**.**

First Aneu-eu's delicious breakfast and now this**. **

Hell really had frozen over**.**

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Author's notes:

**1)Ah, hai or some humming sound means 'Yes' in Japanese**

**2)'Good morning' in Japanese**

**3)Shinpachi uses this to refer to his sister**

**4)The bitter stuff Kagura's always chewing on**

**Well that was about everything! I tried to insert some jokes here and there but it's quite hard to bring over some crack in a seemingly more serious story. I hope the ending wasn't rushed.**

** I know it was far from perfect but everybody's gotta start somewhere. About the leaflet thing, I was going to use flyer first but I didn't even know if that was English or not (my first Language is Dutch) So I was just referring to the paper thingy that displays the menu or something like that.**

**Some of this was written in OpenOffice but the damn thing doesn't let me type any points instead I always get a , Anyone got some ideas?**

**I hope you enjoyed and please review! **


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